Conscious parenting is a term thrown around these days to denote a type of parenting that values raising conscious children consciously.  Whew!?!

What does that really mean for us real folks that live in the real world that have real children? Read on and find out this mom’s take on Conscious Parenting for real families.

Are You Piloting Awake or on Auto?

The word conscious, in my world, implies “awake”.  On a hectic day, and I am not proud to admit this, I can parent in my sleep, going through the motions, nodding my head and saying “uh huh” a lot.  In fact,  I can drive across town, park the car, drop our daughter off at pre-school, and pick up groceries all on auto-pilot.  I couldn’t tell you if I met anyone along the way or which route I took or if I had to stop at any red lights.

Haven’t you done that: gotten to your destination but don’t exactly remember the details of how?

When I am not on auto-pilot I literally am “awake”.  I taste breakfast and I know if my daughter tasted her breakfast.  Together we hear the birds singing, notice the fun flowers on our route to pre-school and I remember the conversations with friends in the grocery store.  I actively notice sights, sounds, feelings, and enjoyments!

Oohmmm, Full of Jooooooyyyyyy!

A second defining concept for conscious parenting is being in the “here and now”.  To be fully present in this moment means it is impossible to be dreading the future or lamenting or regretting the past  In terms of parenting, it keeps me from worrying about what might happen and harping on this with my child and it keeps me from nagging about the past.  I cannot keep bringing up the past and holding it against my bundle of joy.  Thus, she truly becomes my bundle full of joy!

Wake Up!

Here’s an exercise you can do right now while you are reading this to see if you are in this present moment.

Without looking down, what shoes do you have on and in what direction is each of your feet pointing?  Answer the questions and then without moving your feet, take a look.  Were you correct?

If the answer is YES, then you are in this present moment and were probably in the present moment when you put your shoes on this morning, unless you wear the same pair everyday.  In which case that part doesn’t apply, but the direction of your feet still counts!

Being present

Being in the present moment means we are awake and aware of each small detail and most likely will notice, take in, and fully enjoy all the small gestures, emotional changes, and precious thoughts our children share with us.

It puts us in the perfect place to be responsive and teach our children to be responsive, spontaneous, connected, alive and joyful.

Why I Chose Conscious Parenting OR Why We All Should Choose to Consciously Parent Our Children

Conscious parenting means to be awake, in the present, and focused on our children.  It improves the kinds of responses we give children, and keeps us from projecting future worries or dwelling on past mistakes.  All in all, it makes us more fun, more interesting, more stimulating, and more real for our kids.  Amazingly enough, it also models for them how to become conscious kids and conscious future parents.  Living wide awake is fun.  Try it today.

Other Definitions That May Help

There are a few more conscious parenting definitions, but why overwhelm for now?  Briefly they include:  mindfulness, attachment parenting (co-sleeping, traveling heart to heart with your child (carrying vs. carrier), being one with your child, staying connected to them before they cry instead of several minutes after), noticing not only what children are feeling and doing, but what you are doing, how you are feeling and responding,  etc.  Conscious parenting is a child-centered, nurturing approach and is lovingly anchored in the hear and now.

P.S.  Where are your feet now?

Enjoy!

Amie

Related articles

• Musings from a Conscious Parent – My Mother Mountain (babyinbliss.com)
• What Kids Really Want to Learn – Conscious Culture – Conscious Family Workshops (babyinbliss.com)
• Learn More About the Power of Positive Connection – Conscious Family Workshop (babyinbliss.com)

Yesterday, we dove into the my unbalanced, haven’t-said-no-in-a-while-to-requests, got-too-much-on-my-plate world to look around.

Reason?

I am going crazy over here trying to balance best mommy award (self-inflicted) and the other parts of my life. Want to read up until this point, click here to go back to yesterday’s post.

I give to you today my homegrown recipe for checking in, cleaning house, letting it all hang out, and then feeling better about your parenting role and your life in general.

Step 1. TIME

Find at least a couple hours for yourself, sans the 3 P’s: pedes (the children), partners, and pets.  Just you and the whirring from the fridge.  If you are saying to yourself right now, “when can I make the time?”, then you are not ready to continue this process.  You’ve got to be ready to dig your heels into your life and make some time for change to happen.

Step 2. QUESTIONS

Here are the questions I used.  Please feel free to improvise for your particular circumstances.

Am I being the best mommy I can be?

Am I living up to my own standards?

Am I upholding the values we, as a family, set forth when we began having children?

Step 3.  VALUES

Write a list of the values that you hold dear regarding parenting.  You got into parenting for one reason or another.  No judgments here, it’s not always about the children.  Be honest about your values.  Do you value honesty, respect?  Do you value communication?  What kind of communication?  Do you value alone time?  What about partner time?

Want some help? Click here for my manifesto of sorts on a previous post where I write down some of my values I want to instill in my daughter.  Or click here for my values I wrote yesterday.

Step 4. PRIORITIES

Now write a list of your life’s priorities.  Again, no judgment.  If you put the dog you’ve had since you were 12 higher on the list than your partner, be okay with it.  This is about balance for you, not your family or friends.  Honesty must be at the foundation of any true change to take place and stick.

Having trouble?  Start with your top priority (usually the easiest).  What do you never compromise on in your life… ever?  Then go from there.

Step 5.  24 HOUR INCUBATION

You know when you bought your first car, how daunting the decision was whether to make such a major purchase?  Did your parents ever tell you to wait 24 hours before making the decision?  Well, it is good advice.  The brain is an amazing organ that continues to work long after you’ve put a thought to rest, if you let it.  So in this case, you have written a list of values, priorities, and answers to the 3 questions.  Now, simply let them sit and simmer.

Step 6. DECISIONS

And now for the shocking conclusion of this post.  Ready?

You must make some decisions!  I know, I know, it’s the hardest part.  But, in the end, sometimes we have to dig in and challenge ourselves to move outside our comfort zones to gain what we want and need.

So, dig in those heels, look at your lists and do some deciding.

Do your values align with your priorities?

Do your priorities align with your daily tasks?

Do your daily tasks align with the way you answered the questions?

If not, then what do you need to do to align your days with your values and priorities that you hold dear.

This will not be an overnight process, take a little each day and in a month start this process over again.

Be the best parent you can be!

Enjoy!

Amie

Related articles

• Musings from a Conscious Parent – My Mother Mountain (babyinbliss.com)
• Living in Congruence with your Personal Values by Mariana Ashley (dragonintuitive.com)

What Matters Most

This week, I find myself caring less about what others think and more about what matters most to me: my family, myself, my passions (something I struggle with now and then). And I thought I would share the inner workings of my thoughts, as they may be helpful to you in your endeavors as parents striving to live consciously and raise really cool little humans.

My Compass

It is amazing how easily life can take a turn where I find myself once again having to reassess my priorities. I remember when I was young and was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, my almost absolute answer was, “I want to be the best mommy I can be”.  That statement has been my compass throughout my adult life and stemmed this most recent assessment of my priorities.

Am I being the best mommy I can be?

Am I living up to my own standards?

Am I upholding the values we, as a family, set forth when we began having children?

My hunch is if I have to ask the questions, I am probably not doing so great.

No cold pricklies being sent my way here. Just observation and renegotiation with myself in terms of how I want to live my life and how I want to be in this world as a parent.

So what are my values as a parent?

I know I value quality time together. I value giving my child enriching experiences.  I value that she always knows how much we love her, not because we’ve said it but because we show love each and everyday. I value creating a safe haven within my home.  Respect,  responsibility, communication, and honesty are a big priority for myself, my family members, and our circle of supportive friends.

I wrote a manifesto of sorts on this blog a while back. In it, I said that whatever I want for my children, I also must do.  If I want her to feel loved, I must feel love for myself.

Am I actually living up to my own standards of parenting consciously?

If I am answering that truthfully, I would have to say most of the time, at least for my definition of conscious parenting.

So am I being the best mommy I can be?

This one I can answer with a resounding yes. Being the best mommy I can be is not the top of the mountain, it is the whole mountain. It is the peaks and the valleys of my journey as a mother. It is the rivers and fruit-bearing trees. It is the seasons. It is the cloudy and sunny days. It is in the striving for my own self-awarded best mommy trophy that my own excellence shines through.

And yours…

No one is perfect because perfect does not have an agreed upon definition by all of us. But I can strive to be my very best.

Now back to my priorities assessment and why this all came up in the first place.

I am a supermom in training. A superwoman who likes to do it all. This is how my priorities if not checked on regularly can get out of balance.  I was exhausted by the end of the day, my health was waning, the mortgage was being paid, but I was not enjoying our house, my family was eating and I was cooking dinner as usual, but I would not even remember what we ate, much less whether it tasted good.  These were giant flares being sent out on top of my mother mountain, signaling that my life was out of balance and we were all suffering because of it.

Sometimes, we have to give things up in order to gain even more back.

I looked at all parts of my life, taking into account my priorities, my passions, my sanity needs (those things we do for ourselves to escape that without them we go a bit loopy – like chocolate, massages, books, date nights, video games, quiet time, etc.).

Conclusion and Plan of Action

I came to the conclusion that I have said yes to too many things, stretching so thin, I am not able to enjoy much of anything.  So, I release and surrender those things that are no longer serving me.

Join me tomorrow, when I lay out my plan of action with more detail.  It may help you, as well, gain back balance and joy in your life.

Enjoy my musings!

Amie

My Mother Mountain - The best I am as a mother is in the striving toward excellence, not the destination.

Dance

What child have you met that doesn’t like to dance?

Whether it be a wiggle, a shimmy, or skillful ballet, no matter where a child is, they like to dance.  To move to the rhythm within and without and experience the joy of motion.  Today I got to watch my little one spin and tap, point her toes and shuffle step, at her big end of the year recital.

Children learn so much from dance.

This past week we had a recital at her dance class and I watched as her self-esteem grew in proportion to the support and adulation of an adoring crowd of proud parents, grandparents, and friends who had assembled to watch.  Our babies had gone from falling on the ground as they walked to beautiful pirouettes and arabesques.  There is little that increases a child’s sense of well being and security than that of taking control of their bodies and their motion.

Why Dance is So Great

Learning to work in sync with other children is a powerful tool that is taught by dance.  Also, children learn the value of exercise, stretching, and practice making perfect!  The work ethic alone is worth the price of the lessons.

Dance to Boost Self-Esteem and Much More

There are a number of dance benefits regarding self-esteem.  In an article entitled, The Top Four Health Benefits From Dance, by Treva Bedinghaus, self-esteem is listed.  The top four benefits include:  flexibility, strength, endurance, and self-esteem.  Those are four good reasons that conscious parents are using dance to enhance their children’s well being and awareness of their capacity for success.

The National Dance Education Organization, www.ndeo.org , is a non-profit, membership organization whose mission is to advance dance education centered in the arts.

But I Have 3 Boys!

Dance isn’t just for girls either!  Boys learn body control and develop a positive sense of self from the lessons as well.  Dance is a precursor for many boys to the world of every other sport to follow.  Many professional athletes cross train to gain the confidence and agility learned from the discipline of dance.

How To Find the Best Activities for You and Your Child

As conscious parents, choosing activities for our children is an important part of our day.  Finding the activities that boost self-esteem is not difficult.  Find the thing your child likes and experiment.  Try a free lesson or two.  There is a list of dance organizations on Wikipedia that can fulfill every possible type of dancing need   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_dance_organizations.

Change activities until you and your child find the one(s) that make them smile and stand a little taller.  The opportunity to dance is but one in a long list of fun activities.  Let the music play on…and move with your kids this week!

Enjoy!

Amie

Related articles

• Success Week – Conscious Family Workshop (babyinbliss.com)
• Michelle Obama Joins the Nationwide Dance Aerobics Frenzy (fitsugar.com)

Gymnastics

The favorite self-esteem builder in our family right now is gymnastics at The Little Gym! On their website, www.thelittlegym.com, you simply enter your zip code to find them in your city.  The prices are reasonable and the fun is priceless.  You can even enjoy a free introductory session to see if it is your child’s cup of tea!

In their words, it’s a “quest for serious fun!”  We watched our little one go from a timid, cautious just walking baby, to a confident, high-beam skipping, high-bar hanging young lady.  At the beginning, she was careful to not fail, fall, or take too many risks.  Now she runs into the gym and heads for all the obstacles once thought by her to be too risky to try.

The coaching that is provided by the teachers in programs like The Little Gym instills a sense of “can do” in children from young ages that transfers to all other activities.

Kinder Gym Classes

Gymnastics provides gross motor skill success and a good sense of confidence and personal space

There are other such programs (though I will say I did my research and chose well with the Little Gym).  I suggest you do your own research, starting with the following well-known programs:

The Little Gym

My Gym

Gymboree

All those little performances and recitals add up to confidence building activities that prepare children for a lifetime of confidence.  Everyone likes recognition for a job well done, and in programs that provide coaching, new activities, skill development and opportunities to show those new skills, children’s self-esteems grows and develops. It is obvious when a newbie joins an established class and one can see the incredible confidence differences from the old students to the new.  In no time it’s exciting to watch the newbie join the ranks of the confident kids who are running, laughing, and tumbling around the gym without fear of failure.

Failure: The Big Meaning, or Is There One?

Failure in a sports program is just that.  It does not have a deeper meaning.  It only indicates that more practice, more coaching, and more commitment is necessary to move to the next level.  Children learn a work ethic and an acceptance of temporary failure as necessary parts of a journey to success.

Moving onto Sports

There is a world of sports for children.  For the youngest ones, places like The Little Gym are wonderful, and as children grow, they can involve themselves organized team sports like:  T-Ball, Baseball, Football, Soccer, Basketball, and Volleyball.  For the more individual minded players there’s individual sports for the children who like to develop their personal best like:  golf, tennis, and martial arts.  For more information contact leagues

http://www.teeballusa.org

Find a Sports Programs Near You

To find sports programs check out the YMCA, YWCA, Parks & Recreation Departments, Boys & Girls Clubs of America, Little League, Pony League, Babe Ruth League, U.S. Martial Arts Association , U.S. Tennis Association and other youth baseball leagues, U.S. military bases and many independent, non-aligned local, often parent established programs.

Parents as Coaches

Parents can also be active as coaches and parent group leaders providing support and being involved with children’s games and tournaments.  And what about those trophies and ribbons and certificates that last a lifetime on the walls and shelves of your child’s room?  Those are constant reminders of the skill, strength, and commitment they’ve put into their achievements.

Enjoy!

Amie

Related articles

• 6 Great Ways to Expose Children to Art, Music, and Culture Without Breaking the Bank – Conscious Culture – Conscious Family Workshop (babyinbliss.com)

My daughter on our first day of Little Gym. So much fun!

It’s a fact that one of the most challenging activities known to humankind is standing up in front of an audience and speaking publicly.  It tops almost every “most frightful experience” list that exists.  Thousands of people indicate that this one act takes more courage than almost any thing else they have ever done.

The reason?

Self Esteem.

There is a direct correlation between self esteem and the ability to be successful in standing in front of a group of people while being vulnerable.  In order to dabble in this land of vulnerability one must feel good about oneself, from the inside out.  In psychological terms, having a strong internal locus of control and belief in one’s own abilities is a must if children are to take risks in front of our families, peers, and even strangers.

I once heard that Donald Trump lost billions of dollars before succeeding in the business world?  In an article in Psychology Today, published on May 19, 2009, by Jay Dixit, Trump responds to this question regarding the role of self esteem in building success.

When asked, “What was the lowest point of your career or personal life?”

Trump responded, “The lowest point was in the early 1990′s. I owed billions of dollars and many people thought I was finished. I am listed in the Guinness Book of World Records for having the biggest financial turnaround in history and I’m far more successful now. What helped is that I refused to give in to the negative circumstances and I never lost faith in myself. I didn’t believe I was finished even when the newspapers were saying so.”

This brings us to the question, how do parents consciously raise children with positive self esteem? Without employing the services of a psychologist… any family can use the following activities to promote self-esteem.  In short we are talking about the popular performing arts and sports.

Children love to play, dance, and create musical magic!  Why not use what they already love and build on it to grow their sense of powerful, talented selves!

Enjoy!

Amie

Related articles

• Low Self-Esteem and Bullying: How are they related? (education.com)
• Psychology Today: Self-Esteem at Work – Ellen McGrath (the-inside-out-project.com)
• Conscious Activities That Build Family Memories – Conscious Family Workshop (babyinbliss.com)
• How To Rebalance Your Life With Ice Cream – Posts With the Mosts – Conscious Family Workshop (babyinbliss.com)

Affirmation: I Am Happily Perfectly Imperfect in Every Way

Yes.

We are not here to be perfect, to do everything right, to be everything to everyone.

We are here to be ourselves, accept ourselves for who we are in all our glory, and love and have compassion for ourselves for all the things that make us unique.

We are here to laugh at ourselves and with ourselves.

We are here to debate, to cry, to choose to be whomever we want to be now and five minutes from now.

We are here to enjoy the ride, learn from our mistakes, and call those mistakes, not mistakes, but moments of learning.

So today, let’s say to ourselves lovingly,

“I am happily perfectly imperfect in every way.”

I release these words for the greatest good of all.

Enjoy!

Amie

This week we revisit a few of the fave posts from the last year of Road to Bliss.

Originally written on 3/7/10

When in Rut Eat Ice Cream

You know that feeling – the same old, same old, nothing new, you feel like life is on autopilot and you are stuck in your routine.  Maybe your relationship is at a blah point.  Perhaps your creativity quotient is a big zero.  You go to work, come home, go to work, come home, and nothing changes.  What to do?

My suggestion – Eat ice cream.

Yes, you heard me, folks.  Open your freezer, stop at ColdStone, make a trip to the grocery store, and get your favorite flavor of ice cream.  Forget the calories and grab a spoon.  Partake in the cold gooey goodness that is ice cream.

Why?

Because when you are in a rut, when you feel stuck, it is a sign you are out of balance in your life, particularly on the slice of the pie that deals with you.

Why is a nutrition consultant by trade telling you to eat ice cream?  Now, don’t get me wrong.  Ice cream is not the most nutritious food out there.  In fact, it is one of the most fatty and hard to digest of the common comfort foods.  However,  I am using ice cream as a metaphor for doing something just for you. Replace it with anything that makes your heart sing – a massage, a great movie, cooking for 15 people, taking a road trip, sleeping, whatever.

The point is to focus on you for a moment and rekindle your relationship with yourself.  When you don’t tend to this primary relationship of self, taking care of your needs before others, the cumulative neglect builds up and drains energy in other parts of your life.  Before you know it, you are in a rut.

Try Making an Inventory

So have a spoonful of ice cream and sit down and make a detailed inventory of where you are stuck in your life.  For each of these areas, decide on one thing you can do for yourself that focuses on your self care.  Plan time to provide care to your self each and every day.  You will find in just a couple weeks the amazing power of self-care.

What is the amazing power of self-care?

It is this behind-the-scenes energy that propels everything else in your life with ease and grace.

Self-care is a model for your children to maintain balance in their lives naturally as they grow up.

Self-care impassions your relationships, as it provides a blueprint for others to follow how you would like to be treated.

Self-care is one of the antidotes to sadness, low self-esteem, self-deprecation, and apathy.

So next time you feel like the blahs are coming on in some part of your life, find that ice cream, take a bite, and remember to choose to care for yourself first.

Enjoy!

Amie Smirni

This week we revisit a few of the fave posts from the last year of Road to Bliss.

Originally written on 4/27/10

How to Tell If Your Child is Really Hurt

It is amazing how many times in one day my daughter, almost 3, gets hurt.  She trips over things, falls by accident and on purpose, bumps into doorways, chairs, me, the dog, ends up flat on the ground over, I swear, dust in the air.  And 99% of the time, she gets up laughing and saying, “I’m okay”.

But every once in a while, the bump is just a little too hard, the fall a little too far, the trip a little too startling.

The Wind Up

So, tonight, I was baking cookies.  As usual, she wanted to pull her chair over to stand on it and watch me more closely.  When it was time to  put in the raisins and one fell onto the counter just out of her reach, my daughter’s impulsiveness got the better of her and she leapt to grab the wayward raisin.  We all are slaves to gravity, so you can guess what happened next.

And, the Pitch

Bam!  She was flat on the ground and screaming at the top of her lungs.

I yelped, as I tend to do when she screams, and scooped her up to inspect the degree of damage to my baby falling on the tile of our kitchen, fearing the worst.  I noticed she was successful in her rescue attempt. The raisin was safely and securely in her grasp.  I felt the need to take it out of her hand in order to inspect her limbs more fully, as I questioned her repeatedly if anything hurt.

I Learn at Every Age

And this is how I found the new way to assess my child’s boo-boos.

While I was prying the raisin from her fingers, it dropped out of her hand, and the screaming changed from one of pain to one of frustration.  She grabbed that raisin, got up off the floor, and quickly stuffed it in her mouth.  And, might I add, instantly stopped crying.

The Moral to this Story

If it hurts, and they can still eat, you don’t need to go to the ER – nothing’s broken.

Enjoy!

Amie Smirni

This week we revisit a few of the fave posts from the last year of Road to Bliss.

Originally written on 5/5/10

The Day a Scone Saved Me

I was having a day, you know, the kind where the world has piled on a ton of stuff to do, where it feels like even breathing may take too much time away from the many important tasks of the day.  Between trips to and from school, several unwavering deadlines, 3 long meetings, dinner preparation, 2 other clients, a kid on the verge of a major cold, and 3 weeks of nonstop life prior to this day… whew… you get the gist.  All I wanted was to “go night-night”, like my daughter says.

Need Food

I realized at 4:30pm that I hadn’t eaten anything all day.  I never had any time to drive all the way home and get something, and forget about making lunch.  It wasn’t on the priority list.  I know, it was my responsibility to make time to eat.  I tell my clients this same advice all the time.  And here I was starving and shaky and feeling sorry for myself because it would be 2 more hours until I was home and could take time for me (should have been my sign).

Hello, Scone!

And then I saw it, peeking out of the middle console.  A napkin.  A beautiful white crumpled-up slightly stained napkin.  Why was this napkin so special?

The day before my family went for a quick bite at a local breakfast place, and my daughter had a scone while we waited to eat.  Well, my daughter threw the scone aside to make room for her eggs and potatoes, so I wrapped her half-eaten scone in the restaurant paper napkin and tucked it in my purse for later.

When we reached the car, I tucked it in the middle console of the car so I wouldn’t smoosh it.  And there it was…gleaming in the sunlight like a golden nugget of love.

I Give Thanks to That Nugget of Love

Thank you, daughter, and thank you, me.  That scone saved me that day.  I felt loved, thankful, satiated, and happy.

The Moral of the Story

The morals I relearned that day:

I am always taken care of.

Love myself first.

It is the small kindnesses that can make the biggest differences.

When I got home that night and saw my daughter, I gave her a big hug and thanked her for the scone.

She said “what scone?”, completely forgetting about breakfast  leftovers from the morning before.  I just had to smile.

Thought I would share the day a scone saved me.

Enjoy!

Amie Smirni

This week we revisit a few of the fave posts from the last year of Road to Bliss.

Originally written on 9/29/10.